Rewind

Inhale, exhale... Practice the wisdom above. Easier said than done, right? Since I have been MIA for two years to the blogging world, I figured a quick refresher on what exactly my "past" since 2010 has been. I got a little chit-chatty during my last post so we will keep this short, sweet, and mainly a story through pictures.. (After all, who would ever pick a novel over a good ole' picture book?)

Headed Back to School to Show Dad I'm Not a Fool

After a good bit of pouting... whining about the real "costs" of an education... and telling everyone and their brother how overrated a single piece of paper is, I am back in school. Last Fall I started taking classes again at Georgia Southern University. In typical "me" fashion, I am taking online classes and don't actually live in the booming metropolis of Statesboro because going the normal route is well... too normal. As much as I still debate whether I'm making the right decision, I have managed 17 A's in less than 10 months & have a perfect GPA. Now what happened to the days when you got a buck for every A? Mom? Dad?

New Day, New Job

Entourage > Nanny > Entourage > Something up my Sleeve > Time will Tell

Adios Athens....Welcome to Atlanta (insert song)

Can't say I have a single negative thing to say about leaving Athens in my rear view mirror. Athens is a beautiful town and will always be home, but there is something not so fun about when a city of 40,000+ starts to feel like it has one stop light. Small-minded people, gossip and stale memories are sometimes best left in the dust... and it doesn't hurt that the bright lights of Atlanta are so stinkin' pretty!

Let me tell ya 'bout my Best Friend..

 

I never would've thought in the Fall of 2010 that I would be dating a guy two years later who I met begging my boss to let him walk down the runway to Taylor Swift or Top Gun tunes during a bachelor auction. No, I didn't bid on him (although that would add a new level of cheese to this story) but due to a good friend, we did end up together. I've made so many mistakes in the guy department, but I think it is safe to say I have this one right. If not, at least I know we will both be coping through the break-up with a little assistance from T-Swift.

Don't Worry About Tomorrow, God is Already There.

I've always had a relationship with God, but certain things in my life in the past few years have made me open my eyes to why I don't have a more open line of communication with Him. I've been disappointed in myself, friendships I've had, decisions I've made and why things haven't run smoothly and it all makes sense in the end. I have realized I can't expect to be surrounded by good, positive people until I become one myself. Luckily, the journey is half of the fun. 

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own . 

Matthew 6:34

Better Late than Never

It's funny how two years can go by and still feel like yesterday. I originally began this blog for a short-lived English class but slowly realized how helpful it was to vent out loud. If you know me, you know I am driven by others. Writing in a journal wouldn't give me the same satisfaction that a blog does because even the idea that others may stumble across my thoughts gives me more purpose than a notebook shoved under my bed.

I have often been told that writing a blog that speaks to one audience or serves a single purpose is a great way to make money, but as much as I've tried... I can't seem to get my life directed on one path enough to even write a simple blog entry on a daily basis. This is how the cycle has played itself out...

Blog Fail 1: It's a Monday, I wake up feeling energized and refreshed. I stand in front of the mirror, suck in my stomach... exhale. I twist my body around seeing what ways are least flattering to my love handles and what kind of bends I have to do to get a dimple to appear on my not so toned butt. I decide that I am getting healthy. I know I'm not fat, but I want to be toned darn it. I'm going to write a blog about my journey to a Victoria's Secret body, motivating girls and maybe making a little money on the way. I weigh myself and come up with a goal weight, ideal workout schedule and improvements I'd like to see on my body. Next I eat a super healthy breakfast and go to the gym. After the gym, I binge on a kit-kat bar, salt & vinegar potato chips, a mountain dew and head to Chick-fil-A an hour later... It's okay though because I start tomorrow and that means I have 24 hours to stuff my face. Cycle repeats. I decide to stick to being "fit" on my Pinterest Board.

Blog Fail 2: I'm crafty. I have no shame in the game about tooting my own horn at the fact that I was born trying to become a small Martha Stewart (minus the jumpsuit.) I saved up allowance in elementary school for shopping trips at Party City and spent my Sunday mornings cutting coupons that my parents rudely forgot before every grocery store run. A DIY and craft-themed blog has seemed like a "duh" move on my part... that is until I checked out the competition. There are so many DIY blogs, they literally make my head spin. Moms and new wives with beautiful big houses to decorate, kids to dress up and parties waiting to be thrown. There is no way I could compete. A 20 year old in college, no house to decorate, a dog my boyfriend won't let me accessorize, parents that hate parties and nieces & nephews that have outgrown most of my crafting stages. One word, doomed.

Blog Fail 3: Ever heard of Barstool Sports? Well I have. In fact, Barstool has more communication with my boyfriend than I do. Any piece of news, humor, celebrity gossip, history or sarcasm that he shares with me... well, it normally originates here. Don't get me wrong, I think Barstool is genius. A group of guys surf the internet all day, write extremely vulgar and witty summaries of what they see, rate girls in a somewhat creepy fashion (but give guys like my boyfriend an excuse to look at half-naked girls "on accident") and make tons of money. I've wanted to do a female version of this more times than I can count, but it isn't very becoming of a Southern girl to make fun of people all day (even if it may be fun.) And, like my mama always said... If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Whoops, there goes that.

Blog Fail 4: Advice. Advice has ruined some of my best friendships. You know when you start to feel more like Dr.Phil than a friend? Yeah, it's not that fun. It's a tricky line to walk when you want to offer support and guidance for your loved ones but feel like no one wants to open an ear for you. My life is a beautiful mess that could use 100 Dr.Phil's, but I have had a really hard time finding even one or two. I love giving people advice but feel like it is better if you don't expect anything in return (hard to do this in a friendship) but who am I kidding... I don't know how to guide my own life. Go ahead and cross this one off the list too.

SO WHAT IN THE HEAVENS DOES THAT LEAVE ME?!

After a lot of thought and consideration, I found the happy balance. That happy balance is my mess of a life. I may not attract one audience, or any readers at all for that matter, but I promise it will be genuine. My blog used to be called "Between the Lines" and had a bubbly damask background, but lets just call that outdated. A lot has changed in 2 years yet also nothing at all. My new look represents where all of my paths cross... where the mess begins to make sense. I would love for you to join me on my journey & I pinky promise most posts won't be novels. 

XO

Really Now?

We all have those moments in life that require a double take. On really special occasions, these moments may even be ridiculous enough to obtain a dropped jaw & loud exaggerated.. "Seriously??" But lately I've found myself trying to wrap my brain around one too many of these moments. I generally like to think of myself as someone who isn't unusually judgmental, but lately I've had to question whether my standards for society have became outrageous or if things are just getting plain weird in this world. We've all seen the kid ripping down the candy isle as his mom drags him out of the grocery store in a hurry---THAT does not deserve one of my especially unflattering "Say What??" faces, nor does it ever require a double take (that is called the terrible two's). The lazy mother tugging her child out of the store by his or her.. LEASH however does achieve my full attention and a long list of questions I'd just love to ask this 5-Star parent. I've babysat on enough occasions to understands some kids aren't a walk in the park... but a leash?!? Really now? Call me old fashioned, but I do not think children should be walked like dogs... nor should their "leashes" be disguised by fluffy animal backpacks because lets be honest, your child is still on a leash. Hope you didn't forget their bones and chew toys before you set off for Toys-R-Us; that could be a real leash-tugging mess :)

Awesome parenting... Really, I mean it.

Second "Say What?" would have to be the acceptable standards for tweens in the past year. Normally tweens would cover the 12-15 year old age range but I don't know quite what to call the sexually explicit 7 and 8 year olds that are busting out everywhere so I guess I'll just have to lump them all together until I think of a clever name for inappropriate fourth-graders. Miley Cyrus dancing on a stripper pole at the Kids Choice Awards was probably not her best choreography selection but since she was forced to sing Kids Bop-esque songs for years on Disney... I didn't blame her. The fact that you can buy thongs in sizes 2-3 is plain disturbing but if you are a parent worried about your toddler's panty line then God bless you because you will probably lose custody soon regardless. The thing I really don't get though is the parents (and famous parents at that) who are allowing their children to create music videos, songs, clothing lines, etc that are a good 10 years ahead of their time. LOVE Will Smith but whatever made him think letting his daughter whip her hair back and forth and then produce a song about it was a good idea just proves fame really does melt away your brain cells. You can be the judge of the lyrics and video but I know the things that most girls are doing while they "whiiipp theiirrr hair back and forthhh" isn't something a 9 year old should be partaking in--- or even understand the definition of.

"But can't none of them whip it like I do, I, I gets it in.. mmmm yeah I go hard."-Willow Smith

Maybe my minds in the gutter but as much as I love to whip my hair back & forth, this was never my playground anthem ;)

Had to have a little husband bonding time today...

Brought to you courtesy of the Red, White & Blue

If this picture doesn't bring tears to your eyes, I'm not quite sure what will. 

Happy Veteran's Day! Hug a Solider, high-five a Marine... whatever floats your boat, just make sure you thank someone in the armed services for everything they are doing and have done for our nation! There are places all around the world that are under attack right now; places where it is hard to sleep soundly because there is a good chance you will not wake up to the same surroundings you shut your eyes to. I know it sounds like I'm preaching to the choir, but I only say these things because I realize how much I take my own freedom for granted. We live in a country that is unlike any other in the world and despite how much we complain about taxes, the economy and how much we may dislike good ole' Obama--- we have quite a lot to be thankful for. As an ex-military girlfriend, I remember all too well how hard it is to go to bed wondering if the person you love is safe. I woke up every morning and stalked our poor mailman in hopes that I would receive some form of communication or something/anything to hold me out until the next letter. I found the life of a military girlfriend to be taxing (to say the least) so as grateful as I am for the sacrifice of our troops, I have to remember to thank all of the men and women who are giving up their loved ones for OUR freedom. While Thanksgiving and Christmas is right around the corner, there are so many families who will be split between a warm living room and Afghanistan. Thank God if you are not one of those families and God Bless you if you are. Being willing to put your life on the line for a bunch of strangers is one of the most admirable things a person can do and being on the other end of a solider is so emotionally depleting that it makes up tenfold for any push-ups you missed out on at boot camp. So OOORAH, HOORAH, whatever your chant may be---thank you, thank you, thank you and know you are in my prayers! 

Forgive and Forget

I would love to start typing away about the CMA performances or sarcastically begin dissecting my most recent annoyance with the opposite sex... but tonight, I'm going to try something a little more therapeutic. Regardless of the fact that it scares the bahjesus out of me to be meaningful and deep on this thing, I'm about to give it my best shot. So here it goes: 

Hello world, my name is Malia and I'm practicing this thing called forgiveness. The past five years of my life have quite possibly been the most traumatic periods of time I can recall in well, my lifetime. Although the things that happened to me will always be too personal to share with the blogging world, it is very important to state how much I have changed as a person in this period of time. I have honestly had times when giving up seemed to be the only option and the reasons I was pulled back up can be explained by nothing other than the grace of God. No, I do not think my life is harder than any other person you may compare me to. In fact, if these struggles have taught me anything, it is that every person has a whole layer of scars and battle wounds that the naked eye can not even begin to dissect. I do however, feel that my stubborn personality has taught me a very hard yet important lesson. Holding on to things is crucial--- the memories help prevent you from making future mistakes, they help mold you, give you a backbone when you need it most... BUT the difference between holding on and denying forgiveness is a million miles apart. 

I have allowed myself the power this year to forgive and I have never felt such a release in my life. Due to something I put myself through, I was constantly being met with more and more people that I had reasons to dislike. I reached a point where I could easily list off girl after girl that had "backstabbed" me, friends that left my side because they couldn't watch me act like an idiot for a second longer and hurtful things family members had said because they were so tired of watching me act like someone I was not. Some of these people had a perfect reason to push me away, some people did truly do me wrong but the common denominator was that they were no longer in my life and for reasons that were my own fault. I had the power to walk away from the things that were breaking me down but I didn't. I have the power to forgive and I'll be damned if I don't do so with every person in my life. If we all learn anything in life it should be that time flies by too quickly to hold grudges or keep enemies. We all make mistakes, date mistakes, guide others to mistakes and kick ourselves for everything we can't take back and all that is left is the present. The present has no recollection of the past if you don't let it, so take today to forgive. I'm still working on forgiving myself for all of my mistakes and trying to mend broken bonds with people that are my "enemies." As young as I may be, I'm starting to feel like God decided to hit a home run in the trauma department with me before I hit 20. As painful as my last few years have been, I'm starting to appreciate the struggles because it's taught me so so much early enough in life that I can put it to use. You may read this and think I'm sharing way too much... which I probably am but I just hope someone can put my struggles to their own use and learn before it's too late. 

If you absolutely hate being productive..

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? If age was defined by our personal defeats and those stubborn scars, the ones worn on our hearts and not our sleeves, then I would have no choice other than to deem myself a very old soul. On the other hand, I like to think that you are what you believe and I believe I have a long, beautiful life ahead of me so let's go with 1. Yep, 1 sounds refreshing. 
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? Failing is my biggest fear in life but it will never come close to wondering if I would've succeeded if I had only tried.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Good question. -- My guess: Beauty in the unknown and insecurity within the consistency. 
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? I'm afraid due to my personality I will always have said too much but I can only hope that I will have spoken words at some point or another that have affected others to do good and that I in return can learn to do half as much as I speak.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? Banish jealousy. It is truly the root of all evil... think about it.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? I would be working with orphaned children around the world. If I could be a million people, I would want to do so much more (especially with children) but there is no love that can replace the comfort provided by a parent so why not try to give those kids the closest thing possible?                    
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? I am settling with getting by and dreaming for what I believe in.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I would live my life exactly the same, every day like it's my last. There are a lot of days I'd be pretty pissed if I suddenly died because my last few hours, days, and weeks were pretty lame but I'm working on changing that. Shoot.. if we're going by these standards I'm going to be over the hill soon :/
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? I'd love to say I've had to sit back and be life's victim so I could have an excuse for what a crappy job I've done at times but in the scheme of things, I always have and will have complete control over the course my life takes.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Hmm... this is too confusing to answer while trying to watch the Office. Sorry :(
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? Jokingly set them straight and end the laugh fest with a "... but no, seriously" , aka my solution to every awkward talk that I am not mature enough to just simply have.
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Know you are perfect just the way God made you--- that complete and total admiration your parents had for you from the second the doctor placed you in their arms, don't forget that. No one can ever take the fact that you are loved from you.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? Rules were made to be broken, come on now...
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? Everyone is kind of insane, I think it's just the crazy talented people that we label as REALLY insane because we aren't sharp enough to understand their logic--- so yes, insanity and creativity go hand and hand.
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Smile. Don't you remember your mama telling you your smile is like a snowflake, one of a kind? Haha, maybe that was just because I didn't have front teeth for a while but it's true regardless :)
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? Because that would be too easy.
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back? Travel the world... This little thing called finances. 
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Guilt, it's a stubborn little emotion though so maybe it'll eventually decide to let go of ME!
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? I would love to live in Greece! Why? Well.. who wouldn't?
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? I push my floor one time but I click away on the "close door" button until the cows come home. Yes, I know the elevator does not jet off due to my persistence but it does distract me from the awkwardness of being in a box with strangers.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? Joyful simpleton, any day.
22. Why are you, you? Because God is great. 
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? I can honestly say yes even though I have had some bad luck finding people worth being a good friend to.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?  Definitely losing touch with someone you have no excuse for drifting away from.
25. What are you most grateful for? My health and faith.
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? This question is unfair but I'm going to have to go with never being able to make new ones because I wouldn't be the person I am today without my past.
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? I'd say so.
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? Yes and it taught me to never do anything you can't go a day without kicking yourself over.
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? Maybe not five years ago but there will always be times we do remember and they may not really matter now but they are still really important because where they have led us.
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? There is no way I could ever pinpoint one childhood memory, I had a very happy childhood made special by my amazing family. Yep, I gave THAT answer. :)
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? October 29, 2010. Secrets, secrets.  
32. If not now, then when? Tomorrow. Procrastinate like a pro.
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? Not a thing. Every day can start a new life so why wait?
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?  Maybe the same feeling as having a good conversation but I'm a talker so there has to be some genuine words exchanged for me to actually nail that sensation.
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Cause if love isn't the root of all war, I don't know what is.
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? I think there is a little evil in all good and visa versa so this is a very unanswerable question.
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?  Sadly a million dollars just isn't what is used to be but since I make minimum wage and am a youngin'... yes, I probably would and I would then live recklessly and waste every penny of it.
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? I would much rather have work I loved doing so it wouldn't feel like work and then this question would no longer even apply.
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? I'm currently enjoying the CMA's which won't happen a 100 times in my lifetime but other than that, yes unfortunately this day has been very ordinary.
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? I can't tell you the last time I did it but I can tell you that it is something in my near future.
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? I would hope to see more than one person but if I had to chose, I would visit the one person I need forgiveness from so I could die without regrets.
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? I think being either one of those is probably extremely overrated but I would reduce my life ten years to gain some of the experiences those people do... minus the paparazzi and shots of my untoned butt in grocery store lines.
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Everything.
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? Today, because when it gets down to the nitty gritty... every risk is worth taking so you don't have to wonder "what if?"
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? Learning from a mistake doesn't mean it doesn't still suck. Whoever said school was fun?
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Oh lord, I would LIVE! Eat what tasted amazing despite it being on the top of a Paula Dean cookbook, wear what was comfortable instead of what was flattering, stop giving a crap! Whoo, wouldn't that be the day.
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Last power yoga class during mediation. Only noticed the sound of my breathing because it was more like weezing than deep relaxing inhales. What's up out of shape Malia?
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? I love life, I am making major changes in the future that will express just that. You wait and see
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? Probably not but in many ways, that is probably a blessing. We generally remember the traumatic and remarkable events--- there are only so many days that can be amazing so at least I'm dodging the trauma bullets during my weeks of mediocrity.                                                                                                                                                                       
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? For once, I think I finally am.