The Death of Me..

Dear Professor, I truly apologize for my blogging, or lack there of. I'm sure you can find it somewhere deep down in your heart, stuffed down in between all of the failed grades and futures you helped to ruin, to forgive me. Anyways... Turns out today is Tuesday and although Wednesday and Tuesday fall next to one another on a calendar, I'm not really following the right sequencing. My apologies. My life has been a bundle of every emotion you hope to avoid this past week and although I've only been awake for 2 hours, I feel as if it's safe to say we're on downward spiral. The concept that this constant party I've been calling "college" is going to effect what kind of retirement plan I'll have in 50 years is completely and totally scaring the crap out of me. I have no plans, just a big pile of dreams that currently are looking like the closest thing to impossible I've ever encountered. I want to be a sports broadcaster and a wedding planner and a physical therapy assistant and a baker and an entrepreneur and a journalist and a PR person; damn it, I just want to be successful. I am already sick of jumping through people's hoops to take pointless classes and listen to teacher's ramble on about things with no importance to my life. PANIC--- that's the only word that can even come close to describing my current state of mind. I can't even begin to write like normal because I feel like I have a siren blaring in my head; possibly a warning my brain is about to erupt. Looks like this semester is going to result with my head being shoved so far in a book that my next moment of happiness lies somewhere beyond December 9th and saying adios to Gainesville State College.

John Mayer - Heart of Life (Acoustic)

Tonight I began my random internet searches as part of my nightly ritual to avoid studying. As always, I became a slave to my musical discoveries and could not find any reason to justify reading a textbook over being put to ease by the beautiful lyrics seeping out of my laptop speakers. I wish more than I can put into words that I had the ability to be as eloquent with noise as the musicians that I adore. After listening to one too many genius songs, I consider whether I should speak again or just save a little white noise for someone else's production. The only justification I can make of tonight's stumbling is that I am determined to learn how to play guitar. No, the occasional singing I grace the interior of my car or shower walls with is not something you'd ever want to hear so maybe I can learn to make VERY simple, yet beautiful racket with an instrument other than my vocal box in the near future. Hmm, who knows... maybe that poor guitar that has sat in the corner of my room all of these years to give me a "well-rounded" vibe can finally be put to good use. Until then, I'll let my musical husband fill up the silence in my teeny tiny room as I "study."

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Watch out John baby, I may just be the next big thing.

Ain't That Some Love?

I had to run by my parents' house to print something off this afternoon and ended up staying for over an hour after getting caught up in conversation with my Dad. We started talking about how much has changed in not only my life, but our family, in the past year and how thankful we were for the changes. He started to talk about the struggles of being a parent that have rarely crossed my mind. Yes, I can imagine what a pain in the ass children are---after all, I am probably one of the most fun cases, but talking to him opened up a whole new side of parenting I've rarely considered. We talked about the past two or three years of my life and I watched a strong, solid man's face begin to crumble in front of me as he described how it feels to watch your daughter slowly get destroyed by another person. To make decisions that you have no control over like you used to when she was little and wanted to watch a movie that wasn't allowed. He seemed so genuinely hurt but at the same time, never did anything during those times to change me or the decisions I made. I realized that he never told me "NO" or tried to cage me in from making my own decisions because he was very aware of what a stubborn and determined child he had raised. While I've had days that I wish my Dad would be a little more intimidating to the "bullies" in my life and meet my dates at the door with a shotgun---I truly could not ask for a better Dad. Yes, out of every member in my family, he is the one who has the ability to drive me absolutely insane but I would not change one hippie bone in his body. He has had the strength to raise me which gives me admiration for him alone, but he has also had the self-control to stand by and watch me destroy certain chapters of my life knowing that he'd be there to pick up the pieces with me when I figured out how stupid I was being. In some ways, I wish I could go back to the first pinky promise I made. I was sitting at the Varsity with my Dad and remember telling him about a boy at school who was mean to me.. right then and there, I made him promise that he'd be my husband one day and fight off all the mean people who came my way. Of course as I grew up I realized the impracticality of this arrangement but it just reminds me that you will never, ever, ever find a man who loves you as much as your daddy does. I hope that I never have to see him so hurt by something I've done and although I'm sure there are a lot of "Stupid Malia" moments in the future.. I hope to at least give him a breather. I'm sure I won't understand the unconditional, selfless love my parents have for me until I myself have a stubborn little child raising hell, but bless them for putting up with me all of these years. Moral of this story, be jealous you don't have a hippie dad who is the equivalent of some Bob Marley lyrics and has more Widespread and Dave downloads than me and my friends combined--turns out he's pretty awesome. 

"Turns out not where but who you're with that really matters."-DMB

 

All in a Day

Today has been a looonnnggggg day. I woke up at 6 AM to write 3+ papers due before 3:30 and was reminded of how it feels to wake up while the sun is still snoozing (no, it's not a good sensation just for anyone reading who may try it out of curiosity.) I spent my whole morning typing loads of bull about soil pollution, the collapse of societies and the conventional format of public speaking... awesome, I know. I then rush to class only to get stuck in a long line at the stop sign in good ole' rural Oconee County. Turns out someone's car stalled at the sign so everyone is off-roading in order to pass them and make it the last 500 yards to the wonderful Gainesville entrance. Yep.. I followed the leader and turns out Accords aren't featured in Honda commercials tumbling down rocks and flying through the mud for a reason; Baby Honda got stuck. And yes, it was as embarrassing as it sounds. Left class and headed to the Botantical Gardens to run and saw a snake before even making it to the gate on the trail so turns out the only cardio I achieved was hauling ass back to my car and straight home. Last but not least.. came home to relax and watch TV and was overly excited to see that the VMAs that I missed last night were being replayed. The first performance I see is Nikki Minaj in a purple pleather jumpsuit who seems to be unable to keep up with the track they have playing in order for her to lip sync. How can people that suck so bad at everything make more money than the president and amazingly talented artists are homeless? Oh life.. Let's just say I'm feeling the need for some extreme musical detox.. Hopefully you avoided the award show and can just enjoy a little Widespread Panic. Ahh talent..

Detox for your Ears

Athens, You Suck.

If I could punch Athens, Georgia in the face right now for becoming such a lame city, I would be more than happy to lose a few classy points in order to get a good swing in. I've been more than pleased with the 706 area code for my last 18 years of faithful citizenship but I'll be damned, looks like nineteen is NOT my number. There was so much potential for this year too: a new beautiful apartment in the Exchange, a semi-fresh football line-up, our hard-earned ranking as the -NUMBER ONE- party school in the nation and my wise decision to be a fighting goose versus a soaring eagle. Turns out... the Exchange is "not the dorm," but sure as hell makes you wish you lived in one. Our boys lost to the Cocks and therefore forced me to see Steve Spurrier happy---GAG. Our #1 party ranking is about as worth while as a 15 year old DD seeing that you can barely cough downtown without being in handcuffs now. And last but not least, thank you Gainesville for proving to me that going to a small school does in fact make it like a repeat of high school. Is now the right time to say I wish I would've made the 3 hour trek to the Statesboro city limits?? Thanks Athens, looks like you just can't hang with the big dogs after all.

A First for Everything?

Hello World, it's official... I am now a "blogger." Whew, even typing my new identity gives me a weird nerdy sensation or a haunting flashback to the days of Myspace when blogs were used by overly emotional kids to express how awful their prepubescent lives were. I am a little more than reluctant to join the blogging world but due to my close friend and professor at the glorious Gainesville State College, I have found that it is not an option.. but rather a lifeline for my poor HOPE scholarship! Besides all of my lovely stereotypes pertaining to blogs, the only one I've ever actively read belongs to my friend Anna-Grace and is in fact genius. Sadly people, I don't think my life is nearly as entertaining as hers, nor is my personality as witty but I will try my best not to make anyone suicidal from my entries. PS: (And this is a very important PS..) My grade only gets better with the more interaction and followers I have.. I'm not one to bribe but this may be a worthy time and place so start hitting me with your demands. With all of that being said and done, it's 2:10 on a Saturday night and I'm currently listening to the Allman Brothers and drinking hot cocoa sooo hopefully everyone had a night filled with a little more excitement than mine. I'm seeing a jog in the rain (aka heaven) and a warm comfy bed in my near future and hopefully I will dream of things much more interesting than my life to tell you about tomorrow! Sweet dreams strangers :)

God, I can't help but feel like you've forgotten to send any baby musicians with the stork in eh.. two or three decades. As much as I love screaming "Waka Flocka Flame" after one too many beers or teaching fellow pedestrians how to dougie, this is feeling a little unfair. Maybe this blog will inspire you to shoot another Gregg Allman or Bob Marley our way? Fingers crossed.