Taylor Swift isn't the only one...

If there was ever a long lost sister in life, mine just happens to be a particular person that stares at most of us in the grocery store checkout line. She's kind of awkward and about the same height as me... I'd say she's the sister who got a little more volume in the hair department but hey, we can't always get what we want. Yes, in case the video above this post and my creepy description hasn't already brought you to this conclusion, I'm talking about good ole' Taylor Swift. If there is one celebrity that I truly think is a good person, it'd have to be this girl. Despite the fact that it's slightly weird how she drains my heart, brain and life to write her chart topping songs, it is something I can easily overlook. The thing I love about her is that she seems more REAL than a single person I personally know. Once again, this could all be a big decoy for an evil, bitchy girl with motives to kill---but I highly doubt it. The one bone I have to pick with Taylor is some of her hits resembling "Mine" (obviously songs she drained from some other girl who is overly happy and unrealistic, not myself.) As much as I love "Mine", "Love Story", etc. I don't know where these Coreys and Johns and other boys she sings about are hiding but obviously they are in some crack of Tennessee I've never visited. The boys in Georgia that I am lucky enough to interact with are the reason why songs like "Picture to Burn" are contenders in my iTunes "You've played this so much you should probably delete it" playlist. Yep, don't know guys who run through the night to tell me they'll never leave my side... I do, however, feel quite comfortable around the guys who should thank the sweet lord baby Jesus that they are not infected by diseases you learn about in 6th grade health class. Ya know, the kind that make all the girls scream EWW and the boys turn red at the thought of ever seeing anything naked, infected or not? Yep... that kind. Well this may be my boy rant of the week (actually there may be more to come, I've had a very cooties week) but every girl out there knows I'm making valid points. No, I pray for all of your sakes that you have not experienced the same boy troubles as myself but we've all got a different story to tell. Here's mine--- regardless of weak drunken nights and being the 3rd, 5th or 13th wheel at cute little holiday events this winter, I am NOT EVER settling for anything less than everything I deserve. Oh boy, if there has ever been a flawed person, you are reading her blog but I know what I don't deserve it and I've dated different variations of him for the past 4 years. So here's the rules & I think Taylor would approve because after all, she just ended things with douche lord of the world, John Mayer:

1.) The first time you feel like crap for something you didn't do, pack up your dignity and hit the road Jack! Yes, we all make mistakes but take it from a girl who has been cheated on with half of the town--- cheats once, he may not cheat on the next girl but he will cheat on you again. Adios amigos!

2.) See that inevitable text that makes your stomach drop when you snoop like you know you shouldn't but thought you maybe still should--- move on until you find someone you will never worry about doing anything you could possibly find on his phone & then don't ever let yourself be that crazy girl who checks her boyfriend's phone again :)

3.) Breaks or Break-Ups --- If it's done, it's done. Yes, people do need their time and some people do find each other later down the road but if there are big enough reasons to take the risk of losing one another, one or both of you probably didn't care that much in the first place. Also, don't ever let someone convince you that a "break" isn't just a synonym for "hey let me go hook-up with randos & then have you at the end of the day to fill my void".... because it is.

4.) Locker Room Syndrome--- I don't care how nice a guy is or what yall have going on, if he's not your pretty amazing boyfriend & you start getting requests for pictures, videos, texts...actually any requests he wouldn't feel okay asking his Mama for after church on Sunday, then he's probably a tool and you are probably being added to a catalog in his phone/computer. Shoot, we've all seen the MTV sexting commericals--- "It's a thin line." Even though MTV makes the whole situation overly dramatic & gay, you still will never have this guy's respect (you may just have the admiration of the football team.)

5.) Slander--- A guy that respects you/loves you/likes you, whatever, will never say something that can't be fixed to the extent of "You're a slut," You're fat," etc.. Yes, we've all had our wild days or our days when the jeans just won't quite go on regardless of how hard we shimmy into them buuuut he knows what to keep in his head and what to share. If he cares about you, he cares about your feelings. Woah, novel idea... I know.

I wish I could listen to my own advice. Actually maybe this is why I felt so inspired to write this today. Every direction I turn, I get that little "DON'T BE A DUMBASS MALIA" voice shrilling in the back of my head but I never seem to listen. Well, I'm stepping up my game---maybe a personal decision... maybe a nudge from the release of Taylor's newest CD? Regardless, I'm keeping my head out of the douche bag clouds and this may be a lonely, long ride but I'm not settling for anything less than what I deserve this go round. Haha... may have to reread my own blog entry a few times a day if this is going to stick. Wish me luck!

KOWABUNGA

My life can not and should no longer be taken seriously. This is honestly the only mature conclusion I can come to at this point. I can't write a blog more than once a week because being a big kid and going to work all day drains every ounce of energy from me and on the weekends, well.. you wouldn't want to read that blog. Regardless of how embarrassing my life is 99% of the time, I will admit it makes for good entertainment. If I entertain myself, I hope I entertain other people at least half that much. The only problem I can find lately is that I've been meeting a lot of new people and probably not giving off the best first impressions. Sometimes I feel like I confuse myself with a 300 pound man and therefore begin drinking in order to get that big ole' dude hammered... but then it all comes crashing down that I'm a relatively normal sized little college student and BAM---too late. While these misgivings about my height/weight/drinking capacity, etc. can cause problems the mornings after all of my big adventures, they sure do make for some damn good nights. While this particular Friday was unveiled by spending $60 at Spencers on Ninja Turtle clothing and accessories, it definitely proved to be worth it. Getting to ask the lady at waffle house to fill up our bedazzled turtle goblets was fun, getting to hear people shout out "NINJA TURTLE" at our very obvious "ninja turtle" outfits got annoying.. but having the whole weekend captured on film, priceless. 

Thankfully for me, Danielle thought to record me at my finest points in the night. Favorite quotes would have to be:

"Hannah, your shower curtain looks like a Widespread Panic concert.. and I don't like it." (mixed in with "It's ugly" and "It's like a bunch of Amazon People"---all said in different variations of a man voice & three year old girl)

"Why is my head so heavy? It's so big." (only funny if you know how big my head really is)

---On a side note, my truly favorite quotes are not blog appropriate but so funny I really wish they were.

After drinking like my overweight, manly counterpart & working a 9 AM shift on the verge of death, my weekend ended with a fabulous trip to 6 Flags with the Entourage girls. Our boss agreed to pay for us if we dressed up but after realizing how badass we were as Ninja Turtles, we will probably volunteer these costumes over and over.. and over again! Highlight of the day: having a girl challenge me to fight while in line at Papa Johns. ONLY ME... ONLY, ME.

Weekends of Class.

A picture says a thousand words.

If most of my pictures from this weekend could speak, they would probably be a very slurred collection of inappropriate statements, so thank god for still shots... and praise the lord even more for the delete button when you find those very unwelcome videos that found their way onto your memory card. Starting out the weekend with a good ole' roadtrip to Milledgeville was interesting to say the least, especially since the journey never made it that far. My plans resulted in a night of driving around, dressing like a boy and popping champagne in the creepiest location known to Athens. The rest of the weekend was just epic, and by epic, I mean I'm very thankful I was not arrested or severely injured. As much as I question my actions at times... or how my friends can be around such a strange person, I love the nights where I truly had no inhibitions. Watching someone booty dance their iphone into a toilet or attempting to send ridiculous picture messages with my coworkers to my boss are irreplaceable memories. I often wonder why MTV didn't visit Athens before deciding that the Hills was really thaaat interesting of a concept. Personally, I think there is some genius untapped material in the 706 just waiting to be televised. Second thought, maybe it's a good thing that these are nights we attempt to remember and don't have to share with all of America and it's surrounding territories. Your welcome Mama, no need to be embarrassed of me yet.

Mono, you have overstayed your welcome...

I will go ahead and apologize for the content of this entry because I am entirely convinced someone kicked my face/head/stomach and back last night while I slept... that, or ran me over with their truck because I feel like crap. I also have been so dizzy that driving, walking, or even functioning today have been out of the question and while I strongly considered getting a doctor's appointment, I think insurance quits covering you after ya know.. the 10th or 11th yearly visit. Another thing, actually the main thing, preventing me from calling for antibiotics is my level of embarrassment at how frequently my doctor sees me and the fact that she knows more about me than 99% of my immediate family members. Sometimes I feel like she must wonder if I go downtown on the weekends and wear a sign that simply says "If you're sick, please come infect me." In the past 6 months I feel like I've gone to the poor woman with strep throat, kidney infections, the flu, every virus bug from here to Texas and drum roll please... the always lovely, mono. Every time I've visited her I've gotten the same ole' "don't share cups with friends, drink plenty of water, take vitamins, etc" but there is always the jokingly said, yet completely serious question that comes at the end; "Have you kissed or been in close contact with lots of members of the opposite sex lately?" As sad as it is, the reality is that my doctor assumes that my life is a lot more interesting than it truly is. While I can proudly say I am not on UGA's overflowing list of baby sorostitutes and that my love life is in fact so dull that I'm probably catching all these nasty illnesses from the girls that sit next to me in class STILL in their shacker clothers, my doctor probably begs to differ. Well Dr.Martin, my life is still boring, free of anything allowing me to catch saliva-transmitted illnesses and I've been taking so many vitamins hoping to avoid you that I feel like a walking GMC store. Why I'm always sick, I don't know. My only conclusion is that my immune system is in cahoots with the weatherman that pays a raincloud to follow me around all of the time. Yep, personal raincloud and trashbag full of empty pill bottles, my.life.rocks.

Beautiful day in Athens but I just got this picture from my Dad of a sunset up at our Lodge this weekend... I'd say North Georgia has got us beat.

Jump then Fall

Today has very possibly been one of the scariest revelations I've had in quite some time. The simple thought that in 10 or 15 years I will not have anything worth telling my sweet little chillens about their mama's life. If there is one thing I can solidly say I know I will have to share, it would be my scars. Dear Lord, I love you and have so much faith in your guidance but if you've given me one scar I feel like you've tatted up my whole body. So many days I have to remind myself that the struggles make a person stronger but in this light, I also have to view the challenges I've been given as hurdles to jump and not baggage to carry. I've spent the whole morning laying on a bench, listening to music and thinking. While laying there I knew I had the option to jump in my car and go grab some fast-food or to buy a new dress but it just made me think what about the people my age 5,000 miles away who are caring for their ailing family members and in a desperate search for something to feed their younger siblings for dinner. Yep... it's a slightly heavy and sad topic but does pretending you don't have an English paper due make it go away? Nope. Pushing away the idea that there are people out there that have it sooo much worse than me is easy but it's something I'm forcing myself to stop doing. I want to be able to inspire my children to make a difference one day and if there's one thing my stubborn butt is not, it's a hypocrite. It almost makes me sick to my stomach to imagine continuing on the way I've been living the past few years; spending at least $50 a weekend on drunken cab rides and bar tabs, endless checks down the drain on new outfits for parties and so much fast food I could solely keep a small Taco Bell franchise in business. Although I'm at a standstill at this exact moment as to how I'm going to make a change, I'm bound and determined it will happen. So farewell to friends who cry because they don't drive a new enough luxury vehicle, that complain about how much money mommy and daddy send each week and that find pleasure in bringing others down through their cruel antics. Farewell boys that think they're too cool to acknowledge a good thing while they have it, that think getting a taste of 30 girls is more respectable than being faithful to one and that don't think of what their mamas would say if they knew what they were really up to. GOODBYE fake life, HELLO step in the right direction. Whew, never knew scary could feel so good.

Fall la la la la la

I woke up this morning to go run and barely made it over the threshold before I decided sweatpants sounded like a much better alternative to Nike shorts and a tank top. As much as I love Georgia... I will be convinced until the day that I die that we live in the one state that is as confused about it's climate as Lady GaGa is about her sexual orientation. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited about fall despite all of those not so nice comments... Why? Because fall is bringing only my favorite things eveerrrrrr with it!

1.) New season of The Office. If you don't like this show, you don't have a sense of humor, therefore you suck.

2.) Fall equals holidays... which equals decorations... which equals lots of visits to stores like Hobby Lobby and if you know me at all, you know that makes me a berry happy person. By holidays, I also mean my BIRTHDAY! Although I used all capital letters, I actually hate my birthday. I like the concept but always.. always hate the end result...it's still a holiday though and we still have Halloween, Columbus Day and Thanksgiving. Success.

3.) New clothes! New clothes! New clothes! As much as I love scorching hot Georgia summers, I can't wait for scarves, boots, peacoats, hats, etc! Speaking of which, I actually just drove two hours to pick up a purse that I thought was going to be very important for my fall wardrobe. Turns out I think I could have traded that very ghetto Atlanta experience for some valuable sleep/TV time but oh well.

4.) DAVE FREAKING MATTHEWS! Despite the stereotypical pothead, hippie obsessions with Dave Matthews, my love actually spans back to the music I can relate to long car rides to the mountains with my Dad or cleaning days at the house with my Mom. Love having parents who have amazing taste in music and can attempt to influence their little girl in similar ways. Anyways, it broke my heart to sell my ticket this summer to pay bills, ICK, so Dave felt my pain & decided to come back! Amazing seats and amazing night in 35 days!

Today has been such an amazingly successful day of change that I am too tired to even attempt to be clever or summarize my triumphs. Sadly, successfully making huge changes in your life is not always easy and due to the fact that I've had the blues lately I only have one thing left to say....

At least I'm not them...

Juuuuust kidding boys :) There's always next year...

Practice makes Perfect?

Okay, so a daily blog assignment has turned into a weekly paragraph IF I am feeling like an over-achiever. I realize this is not good therefore I am going to do everything I can to become a better student and a more entertaining blogger to stalk. I must warn you though.. It's about to get deep.. Ready, Set, GO!

Today, I have taken a 1000 pound weight off of my shoulders and I have allowed myself to start fresh. Starting today, I am no longer that girl that was weighed down by the negative things that surrounded me. I'm not letting myself worry about things that are only as important as the newest episode of Jersey Shore.. ACTUALLY, I retract that statement because I adore Jersey Shore buuuut the point is that I am finally going to start living my life for me. I've realized I've based so many of my actions in the past few years on what I know the people around me want to see and as hard as it may be---I'm trying this new thing called I.DO.NOT.CARE. I've just realized I want so much more than is offered within the city limits of good ole' Athens, Georgia. I want to reach out to people and make a difference in the world. Yes, that sounded like a gag-worthy answer to a Miss America question but I really and sincerely want to know what it feels like to affect something more than the bar sales of Downtown Athens. I want to make friends with people that have bigger goals and deeper values, guys that understand being a creep isn't instilled in your DNA and a place within myself where I can be completely at peace with the real me. I may have a katrillion little flaws written all over me but I also know I have a lot to offer and damn it... I plan on doing so.